Understanding Social Anxiety in Children

New beginnings can bring up plenty of emotions and feelings. Heading back to school is one of those times of new beginnings.

For children and teenagers, social anxiety is not uncommon. Knowing how to process and handle those feelings in a healthy way can make everyday life easier and prepare them for the future as an independent individual.

We spoke with Anna Miles, PsyD, a Rochester Regional Health provider who works with children and adolescents, about how families can support children experiencing anxiety as they head into a new school year.

Social anxiety vs. separation anxiety

Social anxiety is related to social situations involving interaction with a group of people. Separation anxiety is related to being apart from family, parents, or caregivers.

There are always some children who have anxiety about going back to school. This might stem from several reasons.

“Kids might be anxious about returning to school and that change in their routine, or they might be nervous about interacting with classmates or other social situations,” Miles said. “It’s important to talk with your child and understand what might be behind their concerns.”

Who should your child talk with about social anxiety?

Parents and caregivers will be the first ones seeing any early signs of anxiety in children.

Talking openly and honestly should be the top priority. This helps any child know they are safe and as prepared as they can be.

Part of that discussion means listening to their fears and concerns – and validating them.

“I don’t think parents can promise kids that things won’t change again because we don’t know that for sure,” Miles said. “But parents can let kids know that all the adults around them are working to make sure that they are safe.”

How to cope with social anxiety

If you are looking for a place to start in having conversations with your child about social anxiety – especially around returning to school – try these ideas:

Stay calm: When a child looks to an adult for help with anxious feelings, it might be more difficult for the child to overcome those feelings if the adult is anxious too. Keeping a calm demeanor while validating a child’s feelings can be key.

Set a routine: Consistency can be comforting. Establishing a routine both at home and school is something your child can rely on. Work together to create one for before school and after returning home from school. For younger kids, doing this in picture form is helpful. Older kids can have a list of what to do and when.

Communicate with trusted adults: Especially for younger children, it is important to know they can have an adult in whom they can trust and confide. Laying the foundation early in their life can give them more stability as they grow up.

Anxiety looks different in everyone

Different ideas work for different age groups. The expectations of a second-grade student will not be the same as the expectations of a tenth-grade student, so it makes sense to focus your conversations accordingly.

Younger children want to know what to expect. To help them, focus on the routine that will outline their day. This can include what the school bus, building, and classroom will look like, which people they might see when they arrive, what activities they will be doing, and all the safety rules that people will be following.

For adolescents and teenagers, there will likely be more focus on details. It is important to give them accurate responses to those more detailed questions without overwhelming them with information and adding to their anxiety, Miles suggests.

By including them in some of the decision making surrounding their school routine, older children can begin to develop a sense of responsibility and autonomy. These are ultimately good life skills to practice and can help with problem solving and adapting to change.

When to seek out a professional

Give your child some time to adjust to school as a new part of their life. As the first few days become the first few weeks, settling into that new routine might lessen their anxiety.

For some children, the time may not make the anxiety easier to handle.

Miles encourages parents and caregivers to seek out a counselor or therapist to help when their child may be:

• Seeing their anxiety increase over time
• Having more severe meltdowns before and/or after school
• Unable to recover from bouts of increased anxiety
• Unable or refusing to go to school, or stay in school for the full day once they arrive